she is having pizza carvings every other day....she smiled n cried at the thought...at the nostalgia....at the memory...at the past..n at the recent happenings...n at the future loneliness.....
Her life is undergoing a major series of changes..n life is moving at a much more faster speed thn her thoughts...in a way this episode is a hallmark of a typical experience-the dark night of soul,need for help to come out of sad despair n the responding n soothing voice n support n the sense of transformation...
Either she may kill the silence n heal her soul or get killed in the woods n turn into a fairy with a magic wand....wishing n weavening everyone around her miracles ....but unfazed by her surroundings....staying lost in her own world...in her wonderland.....
Her loss has left her feeling sad n brittle...she was alone..she was all alone...she was completely alone...she doesnt want to dissolve her sadness into tears n outbrusts.....of anger,guilt,remorse,desperation....she knows n feels n understands her situation n wht it feels to want something..wht desire means......wht it means not to quit...n stay n wait...
sometimes she felt she understands everything but then she wud get distracted by fears n unanswered questions....often she was overcome with a desire to forget everything n sometimes she had the opposite instinct-to put as many oceans as possible inbetween.to close every door behind her..........
all this experience was bringing a nascent interior shift...
This is the moment to look n find the kind of healing n peace tht may only come from within...time to gain back her strength n confidence...in the end..to b able to fall in luv with herself.....
To stop a carving for something you hav to start a carving for something else..to stop carving for pizza u hav to start eating something else...like to stop missing someone you have to start missing something else ..immerse yourself into something else...to divert your mind..anything that makes u smile just a little......anything n everything....
but as of now she wanted to solve the mystery..she doesnt want to b entwined in some more drama coz her spirit was depleted n she felt all alone...she wanted to give her space to discover what she look like....
what are her choices?...
when she gets lonely..she thinks..hey b lonely ..sit with it..welcome the experience..
she is learning her way through n around loneliness with pizza carvings n enjoying the pleasure of eating it...with nostalgia...with memories...n giving her the strength n power to heal herself...to b able to fall in luv again... with herself...n her wonderland............
n thn she finds a tear at the corner of her eye reminiscing the pharase "femme pizza fete"of happier times.....n she again get a carving for pizza......
No comments:
Post a Comment