madness...of love and life...

being a woman in man's world..
sometimes i'm mad for him..
sometimes he's mad at me...
somedays i make him mad...
sometimes i'm mad upon him...
all this madness add up to magic
to create a tradition called love....
its magical madness of life.

You hanged on and waited for her to change her mind
even if you knew that it’s not going to happen…
but a little part of you just keeps holding on.
But you know that by doing this
she is killing her as much as it’s hurting you
but she won’t admit that...
so maybe, you should be the one strong enough to walk away?

Leaving a Time...

Leaving is never easy..
But there comes a time..
Time to leave your childhood
Time to leave a broken love
Time to leave your past.....
Time to leave memories behind
Time to move on..
Even if you cant see the road ahead 
Even if you cant take a step forward
Even if you feel too alone to walk
Even if you feel too scared to dream
because sometimes............
staying back isn't an option...

time frame...

she regretted his loss of herself n her love..
she kept her patience every time sincerely by heart ,by mind..coz she always wanted to b beside hin forever..but he didnt wanted to b with her anymore..he didnt want to communicate with her coz even her voice stressed him whtever she may say.he told her tht she didnt stood by him in his difficult times..n didnt understood him at any level.n he felt bondage to the relationship....
I remember the visions of the day when he felt that he is completely in love with her.when he wanted her near always..when he wanted to do every little thing for her tht wud make her smile or giggle.now he feels tortured by her presence in his life...she is still the same girl for whom he professed his love so deeply n sweetly but now she happens to an unloved by him..he feels indifferent to her..to add insult to injury he remains incommunicado to her messages n questions...
After listening her ..i asked her,"did she try enough?.."did her love changed for him in difficult times?did she change for him?y doesnt she fight back instead of going away?y she tried to win him back after all the injuries n insults?.does she still love him?.....
She looked at me and her answer left me speechless..and thinking....
She firmly believed that time is never difficult but whn our priorities change..circumstances change n so do feelings..for our relationships..bondage is in every relationship....bondage of love n care so ur bonded to do certain things..out of love ..not by slavery...bondage to keep in touch affirms the secure soothing presence of ur loved one...coz u care for each other...
she nvr told him that patience was her forte still she learned .... but the more she kept it ..the more he tested n expected ..it isnt difficult to spare any form of communication if u really want to b a part of someone life...its not tht he doesnt hav time to communicate but its not wht he wants to do..to b in touch with her life or give her the right to b in touch with his life..so hes indifferent...and unresponsive...
u fall in luv by destiny but u fall out of love by choice..destiny jst plans n brings u closer to someone and then you carry the things forward by your choices n priorities ..how cud you know about someone's difficulties who's inaccessible?how cud you support and soothe someone who doesnt want you near and in his life?
By fighting back she may get him but thts not wht wud b right tht wud b really bondage not bonding...he had to...he has to come back on his own before time runs out for both of them.... he has to find his confidence back to call her back by himself....if he really wants to do that...cz . she tried to save this relationship every time with new energy n enthusiam but every time things collaspsed after few days coz he was nvr part of it...coz of his diversions he doesnt want her in his life...he did everything tht cud b done to hurt the relationship n her...
She knew things are over for them early on in difficult times ..but still a twinkling star far away in the sky didnt let her go hopeless for them....one day he swept her off her  feet in love and now he swept her off out of his life....so she's walking away coz staying back isnt an option..
.she doesnt regret trusting him...n sharing her life with him..however time bound it had been..and she doesnt regret or deny anything said to him in love n anger....coz being with him was neither her weakness nor a constraint ....and she's thankful for all the times and moods --shared and unshared...
And she walked away with her gaze still at her empty hands n i stood there spellbound thinking ....does luv change this way?.that can anger b so  bigger than the love so as to let your luv go out of your life??y do ppl need many attempts to start afresh? y not resolve at first attempt?y cant b things solved before relationships n feelings die?y dnt ppl understand tht u cant b stubborn  in love?...
she walked away with a dead hope in her heart for him and leaving me alone to search for answers.......
i felt her pain of being broken..
i regretted his loss of her love....
Her last words echoed in my mind as I saw her leaving looking at her open n empty hands.."you cant ever n never want to..fall out of luv with the man ..you once loved..you were with him coz he was worthy of being in your life..now tht if he's not with you ..it doesnt mean he's unworthy n undeserving ..its jst tht priorities changed..so do feelings..its jst tht now he's not with you......and the time remains framed n memories etched on the core of your soul...so tht luv gets buried deep inside you"

the truth...

truth is subjective..to a particular time frame..it is eternal but limits itself to a time frame.....it remains the same itself but changes with time..something said today is true today with today's limitations n purpose n relationships..but after a while the truth remains true... subjective to that time frame only..and with change it changes cz we come out of that time frame..we move on with our life leaving behind tht truth into our past...sometimes it gets buried forever  and sometimes it may catch up with you in future...in future it may or may not seem relevant ..it doesnt go untrue but it remains bonded to that time frame...so if you feel something today say it today..put things in words..nvr trust  someone else imagination..to know the truth in your heart n mind...if you care today ..if you love today..say it in words..nvr let ur anger or annoyance take over your feelings of love n care...coz u may not get another chance ..life may move on..time may move on..your truth may get trapped in some time frame....

ride of life..

life has been a roller coaster ride these days n she's coming to terms..with life's facts n findings n herself...
her conflicts n wishes..n solutions...and the real truth..however bitter it may seem n the walk of life ahead....

all the years of care n love gone unacknowledged..the craving of holding the little one ..the pain of being broken...the bitter reality staring her  in face...life didnt prepare her for this moment..in fact .life doesnt prepare oneself in advance for anything..nor the happiness or the pain....
She's left yearning n craving for ur loss...her little world crashed in front of her like a castle of cards coming down after painfully building upto the top but forgetting about the attack of wind..her little world crashed.....she found everything ..n thn lost everything....in one moment.....she saw a tear at the corner of her eye...she closed her eyes before she fells down...
But he saw it before tht moment and he told her tht he wud b with ever forever after..she saw a twinkle in her smile cz in her heart she always knew tht with him beside her,she will always hav the strength to accept the truth,she  nvr had an iota of doubt abt his  soothing and un-dwindling presence of him in her life.. .however all the other things in her world may go wrong...

vandy's mantra 6....

----someone asked me,"how do u hav perfect wedded life?"my answer-"neither a person nor a wedding is perfect in its own being...but accepting the little quirks n imperfections n falling in love with thm..not wishing n wanting to change thm..
makes a life n wedding PERFECT"

-----y do ppl mantra abt weight issue is always ..thy gain a lot(even if its 2 kg)..and whn they lose ..thy lose so little(even if its 10 kg)...hw much it look both ways.persona doesnt lie in weight ..persona lies in the positive aura tht u behold n tht radiates from mind....

----it takes a man to make a woman feel beautiful,to make her feel loved n cherished,to make her feel complete..being a woman isnt jst abt being the female gender but to b in sync with the male gender so tht the circle tht the god created can b complete ..

----traffic jams or petrol pump queue's-i like them..cz thy give a chance to do text msg .n ckh out lists of to do notes...or make mental notes of schedules....n if jam is too long someday i wud prefer to read on some story...traffic jams give u a chance to practice patience n  learning calmness in emergencies..n learn not to panic about anything except life n death situations...

----women day ..the word women itself says..wo(w)-men..so its not jst celebration of being women..its celebration of being cherished loved protected cared n blessed being with men..women are men are extension of each other ...n together a complete one..cheers

-----my kid asked me,whts magic...is it real or illusion...i thought over n answered him back this.."magic is not abt creating illusionary things which seem real..instead i believe magic is abt creating real smiles..which arent illusions..

---khusyion ki talash me door talak dekhti hamari nazar aksar pass se guzrati chooti chooti khusyion ko dekhne se hatt jati hai...live ur soul with transparency in every moment..b answerable to urself only for every moment n every deed...cz we cant lie to ourselves to save face or for illusionary happiness...

-----ur only obligation in any lifetime is to b true to urself.being true to anyone else or anything else is only impossible


---happiness is simply absence of sadness....


---the simpest questions are the most profound.think about these once in a while n after a while and watch ur answers change...

vandy's mantra 7...

#care shd b in ur heart nnot in words....anger shd b in words n not in heart.

#relationships are precious dnt take thm as granted.its sad but true tht the worst pain in life is whn smeone u know turns into smeone u knew.

#try to make 4 things in life----
mind which nvr minds---
-heart which nvr hurts---
touch which nvr pains-----
relation which nvr ends.....

#if a drop of water falls in lake thr is no identity but if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl.so choose the best place whr u wud shine.

#missing smeone whn ur alone is not affection but thinking of smeone even whn ur busy is called real affection.

#if u wait 4 happy moments u will wait forever but if u start believing tht ur happy u will b happy forever.

#big fights usually break relations but minor misunderstanding spoil relations.the fact is spolied relations are more painful thn broken ones.

#best relations dnt need any promises terms or conditions.thy jst need 2 wonderful ppl one who can trust n one who can understand

#b happy if someone is jealous of u ..coz tht means u hav something tht thy desperately want to acquire....

#hold fast to dreams n dnt ever let them die.......so make wishes on pure white clouds n dream for them to come true.....jiyo life bindass mast ..n giggle a lot..n let ur giggle drizzle happiness all around ......

2nd feburary....

It's his birthday...
he's in hurry to rush into the arms of the girl he loves
he came bursting through the door...
grabs her enthusiastically....
plants a passionate kiss....
n says,"I've a wonderful idea for celebration"
she saw him adoringly n answered.......
"drive me to the sunset...
hrough the lane of memories.."
n he was titillated......a sparkle in his eyes......
n he took her  gently into his arms
n the same breathless feeling they felt every time came 
n both knew tht thy want to spend life together
endlessly...beautifully.....
falling in love over n over again.......

वक़्त के पलों की कहानी ...

एक वक़्त गुज़र गया
और इन बीते वक़्त के पलों की कहानी ...
कुछ खोया ....कुछ पाया...
कुछ ख़ुशी...कुछ दर्द हिस्से में आया ....
कभी किसी पे गुस्सा तो कभी प्यार आया
कभी किये सब काम मनचाहे मनमस्त ...
कभी की गलती और उनसे अनुभव  आया
में न बदला ..तू भी  न बदला....
फिर कैसे सब तरफ कुछ बदलाव आया ..
छिन ली किस्मत ने प्यारा कुछ हमसे
पर साथ ही हमने  खुद को  पहचान पाया
बीत गया वो वक़्त जिसपे हमने हक़ जताया
दे गया कुछ यादें  और कुछ सीख पाया  
ज़िन्दगी की यादों में सम पाया  ...
तुझे खोया ..खुद को पाया .....

a time traveller's tale....

For a long time it had seemed to her  that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first.......something else that kept her passion wavered...kept her occupied with whirlpool of situations .....and her patience n trust n feelings on testing levels of vulnerability..pain n agony of wounded heart....with scoffed reactions in response....with emotional situation n moods..both happy and surly ones...trauma's and subconscious nightmares...some unfinished chores....and then life wud begin.....but the wait never ended....
and then one day she saw a beautiful castle in her dream..she stood befor it wanting to go inside..but a voice said,"u cant come in.."her intution tells her that she is forbidden just for the pure pleasure of saying"no" coz her soul cudnt hav dreamed to see that beautiful castle if she cud hav been forbidden to see it...she tried to b nice..to b patient..she explained that she has come a long way n its such a beautiful castle...suddenly going inside becomes the most important to her...now there seems only one alternative...to move on and see what happens ..n she found courage to bear the consequence...she moves  a step inside..nothing happens... and so she enters inside the castle...n find her answers to the quest she had been struggling with..... she felt evolved..she found the way to her destination....
sometimes the world asks us to fight for things we dont understand n whose significance we may never discover.....some things happen for which we hav no answers..and may b no questions....and we feel happy and sad both at the same time for those things...but may b these are things of a traveller's passion.....

दूरियां .............

मै तुझसे दूर हूँ  ....और ... तू मुझसे दूर है  ...... यह में जान गयी हूँ...ये मेरा दिल समझता है..यहाँ लोग कहते है मेरी आँखों में आसूं है
जो तू समझता तो मोती... जो ना समझा तो पानी है  तेरी हर बात..हर याद भूल जायेगे ...हर खवाब ..हर मुलाकात भूल जायेगे ...ज़िन्दगी चलती है अन्विरल अनथक ..मगर अब हम तेरे साथ बिताया..हर पल.... हर साँस भूल जायेगे ....  जो आज तू देख .....समझ न पाया .....वो मेरा तेरे लिए प्यार था ....... जो  आज तू  गुस्से और जिद्द मै था .. वो तेरा प्यार नहीं.. मेरा अपमान था पर आज इस अहंकार में ..तल्खी में ..तुने  रिश्ता भुला दिया ..झुठला दिया तू यह सब देख नहीं पाया तू यह सब समझ नहीं पाया
कई सवाल ..जिनका मेरे पास जवाब नहीं कई जवाब ...जिनका सच सिर्फ तुम जानो वक़्त की रफ़्तार ने इस मोड़ पे ला दिया इन एहसासों की दूरी को .. इस दर्द को ..इस जुदाई को ...न तेरा दिल पार कर सकता है...न मेरा दिल माफ़ कर सकता है  

एक प्रेम कहानी .....

चेहरों के भीड़ में , ...दुनिया की राह में ...
 एक चेहरा था मै ,  एक चेहरा थे तुम....
मिलते ही आखों ने रिश्ता पहचाना ...
होंठो पे बात .बातों मै सुर ..सुर मै गीत ..
गीतों मै प्यार का ..एक बंधन का एहसास ..
तेरा मेरा रिश्ता अहसासों की कहानी.... मन दीवाना..मीरा भी दीवानी.. खो गए हम सपनो के आगोश मै .....
चुपके से प्यार छु गया ज़िन्दगी ....

पर आज न जाने तुमने क्या कह दिया ...
थम गयी धड़कन ..रुक गयी ज़िन्दगी ..
पलकों मै बस यादें...और यादों मै पानी ...
भीग गयी ज़िन्दगी यादों की बोछार से ...
अधूरा अनसुना ही रह गया ये प्यार का किस्सा
कभी तू सुन नहीं पाया ..  कभी मै कह नहीं पाया लोग यहाँ कहते है मेरी आँख मै आसूं है... तेरे साथ मै जो मोती थे ...वो आज पानी है ...

all alone...staring on.....

All alone....staring on....
watching her life go by...
different shades of mundane things....
all alone..staring on....
when days goes by finding answers
and nights goes by staying awake..
I sometimes heard her cry
and heard her whisper a name....
long forgiven but not forgotten..
memories haunting the heart..
a bleeding heart torn apart..
by the indifference inflicted upon..
thereby insulting that togetherness
that had bind them at the souls...
all alone...staring on ...

PAWAN---my angel.......

He has a serene charisma -a soothing aura
an instictive desire to blanket with warm affection
to tickle with soft features of humour
whn he smiles at her with his soft twinkling eyes
whn he makes her laugh with the sunshine of his laughter
his love is the song in her heart
the sunshine in her sky
the promise of her world
the gurgling laughter in her eyes
the centre of her universe...

टूटती है नीद कभी सपने नहीं टूटते ...

सब कुछ भुला रहे थे की तुम याद आ गए
खुद को भुला रहे थे की तुम याद आ गए
चलती नहीं दुनिया किसी के आने से
रूकती नहीं दुनिया किसी के जाने से
कमी तो खलती है किसी के दूर जाने से
साथ छूटने से रिश्ते नहीं छुटा करते ....
दिल रूठने से रास्ते नहीं बदला करते ...
लोग कहते है की सपना टूट गया
टूटती है नीद कभी सपने नहीं टूटते .....

शोर ........

शोर ..एक छोटा सा शब्द ..पर कितना कुछ अपने अन्दर समाहित किये हुए .....सड़क पर खेलते हुए बच्चो का शोर हमें अपने बचपन में ले जाता है ..उनके खेल का शोर ..उनकी हंसी का शोर हमें दिल से ख़ुशी  देता है....हमे सकूँ देता है ......बारिश की बूंदों का शोर...चिड़िया की चहचाहट का शोर .. हम में उमंग भर देता है .....और यही शब्द शोर  जब किसी दो लोगो के बीच की बहस का होता है तो दिल को तकलीफ देता है ...एक कटाश का शोर एक चुभुन  देता है .... रिश्तो में कडवाहट लता है .....और जब यह शोर किसी दो लोगो के बीच की चुप्पी का होता है .....तो वो  शोर आवाज़ नहीं करता पर सबसे ज्यादा दिलो में दूरी पैदा करता है ....वो शोर बेबस होता है और उस शोर को कोई आवाज़ दबा नहीं सकती ....

20th nov-a reminiscence of the day

today the day started beautifully with wishes n puja..n whole day is packed with puja's n birthday party...its jeevesh bday..n i remember this day 10 years back the day whn he was born...he was born in afternoon..n whn the doctors gave him in my arms i was exuberant with joy....but just for 5 min.....those were the 5 min whn pawan  n sandeep called few ppl to tell them abt his birth..after that doctors declared him to b critically ill. and .has to b shifted to neonatal intensive care unit for indefinite period..he was diagnosed with Peri-robin syndrome with cleft palate with multiple problms with few chances of survival n if survived ..chances of being physically or mentally challenged  n may b  not able to ever speak properly...but i cudnt listen to wht the doc was telling me at tht time..nor i was concerned ..i was holding the most beautiful baby .to my eyes he was the most beautiful baby....he was so calm n serene n tiny.. he was the bundle of joy..but soon he was shifted to NICU n we all realised wht we were told abt the prognosis..but noone in the family  lost the hope in the miracle of god...next we knew ourselves at the intensive care unit 24@7 for the next month..n soon it was in n out of emergencies for few months....everyone in the family stood togehter...inspite of lows n downs days ...he proved to b miracle baby..the family astrologer told tht he wud b vry gud at singing n the doc were skeptical of his speech but he amazed everyone with his recovery..sometimes the conditions seemed worst ...but pawan always said that nothing wud go wrong he was so confident..he had a strong faith..he was in luv with the baby instantly n me too..everyone in the family luved him ..dad n mom  named him jeevesh..jeev + ish...thts is ishwar..the one who belonged n survived with his grace..me n pawan use to stay up all nights while at NICU n sandeep n manorma visited numerous times throught the day..monorma face shined whnever she held the tiny baby in her arms...pooja too luved n cared ..she played a gr8 role in teaching him the vocabulary..she took care of him whn we all went to wrk..she played with him fed him..helped mom to take care of him...she wasnt jst his bua but cared with motherly touch...
all day he wud b taught vocabulary..he started learning young .whnever any of us came home he wud b asked same questions..tht wud make all the things repated 7 times..b it body parts or alphabets..or veggie names...anything....may b earlier thm normal kids..he learned the body parts n cud understand the alphabets n started speaking one wrd syllabus..he called me ba from bhabi wht sandeep n puja cld me n pawan be from beer..he started saying wrds after his cleft palate surgery at 2+..but bfr tht he showed the signs of his intelluct..n by four he cud recite hanuman chalisa  n he knew the gayatri mantra n mahamrityunja mantra in sankrit he cud recite all of thm ...he learned thm by listening..at home..he cud sing bhajan n all of tv ad's with music effects of ting ding dong etc...
the normal healthier kids of my cousins seemed obese to me as compared to thm n he looked beautiful to my eyes ..jst perfect..after many years whn i saw his pic wht he was bfr his surgery..i was filled with tears at the all nasal catethers he needed to put upto his stomach to b fed...he was tube fed through syringes..n whn he started moving his arms at 4-5 months ..the tubes irritated him n he wud pull thm out n some days nasal catheter tht was put upto his stomach through his nose... were put in 6 times a day with taped on ..on his forehead....n thn he needed to hav suction through suction machine every 2-3 hours to clear his mouth of all the fliud tht got accumulated ..n tht wud block his airways....it was all so scary but he overcame everything....n he filled with joy at his first laughter..his first words..everything..
today its his bday he sings beautifully..wants to learn n own my guitar...has a taste in painting n wants to make ones like me..hes intelligent ..non fussy mini adult vry senisitve n mature ..n has a high intelluect levels...n even the doc at the PGI  were amazed..he's a subject-a cute adorable subject of thm n thy keep wondering at hw much he talks non stop....luv u my sunshine u hav given me n pawan joy n sunshine n we luv u .

BRAVE BEYONG BELIEF.....dedicated to a brave yet smiling ppl

Today while watching the  new promos on the day of release of  movie guzzarish im intrigued to watch the movie..the movie seems to b multi faceted.....it seems a movie about life with a spinal injury n the silent luv relationship between the pair n the will of the protagonist to pass on his legacy and  the beautiful visions of a life whom we may consider crippled or less fortunate but god has his own magic within these kind of ppl..they may seem less ordinary to us normal ppl but they are god's special children...the movie seem to b also abt the right to one's own life..the mercy killing ...EUTHANASIA...n i felt every intelligent mind wud want to see the movie..it wnt b a masala movie...but an intelligent movie...as far as the subjects of the movie go ...it cudnt b anything less than that...BRAVE BEYONG BELIEF....
From the previous promos tht i hav seen on TV it was very much clear tht the movie is abt life with a spinal injury n i thought may b the lead protagonist stars as a renowned magician who gets hurts in some accident n thn its the story abt his life with a spinal injury n i felt tht it wud b too teary n emotional n i wnt b able to watch the movie without crying....n even now i can say the movie will evoke tears in everyone eyes who will watch it with a sensitive heart...coz. life with a spinal injury is too difficult .
... .i pray to god tht he gives everyone will n power to do whtever poosible n as long as we can do for ppl with spinal injuries.. if we encounter ......i salute ppl who care for thr loved ones with spinal injuries for courage n for smile..n for faith..n love n care...
may god bless ppl with spinal injury with moments of happiness...n normal life 

एक तारा...............

दूर आसमान में टिमटिमाता हुआ एक तारा
टूटने की कगार पे और फिर भी समभाले हुए
कुछ स्वप्न और खाविश्ये और एक आशा
मेरी आँखों  में निहारती एक उम्मीद ...
उस तारे के भविष्य का अंजाम .....
एक इच्छा...और एक गुज़ारिश ....
उस तारे की मुस्करहट के लिए...

GIVING BACK....... ....

While giving alums to a handicapped beggar at a traffic lights ..i thought y did god made beggars?i felt so bad abt ppl who are less fortunate in matters of money …pawan has always taught me to give maximum....to needy...b it at ashrams or housemaids or on the street if someone asks for alums..he's says its isnt imp hw little u give..its hw much u feel the inner urge ..hw much u realize the toughness of less fortunate...i hav picked ths habit from pawan .. of giving a little to someone everyday at any traffic light..during my drives throught the day....

 I thought of many theories..i thought in context of incarnation..may b these are the ppl who had loads of everything .in the previous birth…..but thy nvr gave anything to anyone..so god decided tht nw thy hav to realize the importance of not having ..or importance of the time whn thy had everything n thy didn’t give it back to ppl n nature…as for nature like feeding birds  n planting more saplings……whn thy didn’t help ..or they refused if someone asked from thm something they had in abundance….nw he decided for them to beg for food money n clothes…

I thought of hw many beggars we hav in the country..n y cant government eliminate beggars ..one day  pawan was reading  a msg to me abt the millions of money (appox 280 crores )of our country kept in swiss bank..he says tht its so much of money that we can hav tax free system for 30 yrs n Every Citizen can Get Monthly 2000/- For 60 Years. We wnt need world bank loans… n today I thought thn y hav these ppl blocked ths much money…..n wht will happen whn thy will b reborn….will thr fate will b ths..as I saw today?

N on the remaining way of my drive I thought tht pawan is right that we all shd b bit more generous..nvr refuse anyone if u can give.. n nvr say tht u hav nothing ..or u hav less…god may mind ur words n take back whtever he gave u in abundance..

Give generously to ppl..to a needy human…...it may b a stranger in the street or someone among the relative who hav less thm wht u hav…n always thnk god for whtever he has given u..n nvr say no for anything tht u hav….n u can give…

Feed birds… plant saplings …care for trees…water the plants… feed fishes n ants…n do take time to smell flowers n watch butterflies..its about the regard n respect n admiration of nature ..that god made for us humans….

N thank god for everything every moment of life that he beautifully crafted for us……

Cherrs…god bless all….

एहसास........

 तुझे भुला के भी आँखों की क्यूँ  नमी जाती नहीं
तेरा प्यार भुला के भी क्यूँ नफरत पनपती नहीं
कई बार चाहा की तुझे बुला लूँ या भुला दूँ
तेरा यह एहसास क्यूँ मेरे दिल से मिटता नहीं

यह रिश्ता एक एहसास है तेरे और मेरे बीच.......
पर फिर क्यूँ इसकी ख़ुशी तेरी आँखों में झलकती नहीं
क्यूँ इसकी टूटने की तकलीफ तेरे दिल तक पहुँचती नहीं ....
कई बार चाहा की तुझे आवाज़ दे कर वापिस बुला लूँ ...
पर क्यूँ मेरी आवाज़ तेरे दिल तक पहुँचती नहीं ...

कई बार चाहा की तुझे भुला दूँ ...
पर क्यूँ मेरे दिल का शोर थमता नहीं ..
क्यूँ तेरे साथ बिताये पल भूलते नहीं ..
क्यूँ यह अँधेरा छंटता नहीं ...
क्यूँ तेरा एहसास मेरे दिल से मिटता नहीं ....

तितली सा दीवाना....दिल...मेरा.

खुशियों का खज़ाना ..दिल तितली सा दीवाना ...
खबर न कुछ मुझे सुबह की..न शाम का टिकाना....
ज़िन्दगी लगे परियों का फ़साना
हर मोसम सुहाना..हर बात हंसी का बहाना
मंजिल के सफ़र की हर डगर पर ...
जब उसे महसूस करू अपने साथ हर कदम
खुश्बू उसकी हरदम मेरे आस पास...
ज़िन्दगी का हर अंदाज़ लगे मस्ताना....
दिल मेरा तितली सा दीवाना .......

दिल की उड़ान उस आसमान तक .......

इस आसमान से आगे भी एक आसमान है
जहा ख्वाइशओं का मुकाम है
जहाँ पंछियों के साथ सपनो की उड़ान है
मन की कोशिश है उस आसमान को छूने की
चाहत नहीं जानने  की मंजिल है कितनी दूर
मुकाम है इस आसमान तक .....
या इस आसमान से आगे का जहाँ
मैंने तो कर दी ज़िन्दगी सपनो के हवाले
हम भी न समझे दिल भी न समझे ......

कतरा कतरा भीगती जाती है पलके

कतरा कतरा भीगती जाती  है पलके
लम्हा लम्हा याद आते जा रहे हो
मेरी ही गलफ़त थी की नाम ले बैठी तेरा

दिल ने तो कितना कहा ....
माना अनिवार्य है जुदाई तेरी नज़र में
फिर क्यूँ है यह तीव्र वेदना मेरे मनं में
दिल में उठती है चीख  ....
जब महसूस करती हूँ ....
तुम्हारा मौन तुम्हारी दूरी
और अपनी बेबसी
फिर भी  सो जाती हूँ लेकर डबडबायी आँखें
ह्रदय में समेटे स्वप्न और एक आशा .....
की कभी हम दोबारा साथ चलेगे
ज़िन्दगी  की इसी डगर पर ......

वक़्त है की थमता नहीं ....................

वक़्त है की थमता नहीं
आस है की निखरती नहीं 
कांच से है खवाब .......
उनकी चुबन आँखों से मिटती  नहीं
दिल के टूटने की आवाज़ .....
यह शोर क्यूँ थमता नहीं......
हर वक़्त जिसका ख्याल मेरे आस पास
उसकी परछाई क्यूँ चेहरे से हटती नहीं
पल दो पल क्यूँ संभलता नहीं यह दिल ..
ज़िन्दगी अपने हिसाब से क्यूँ चलती नहीं .....

somewhr in the shadows...

Somewhere in the shadows, my destiny awaits
moments pass like a whirlwind...
no time to sit back n wonder.....
life rolling on twisted roads...
truly blusihly lost n squeezzed..
a cherished signature of lost love.

हमने यह कभी सोचा न था............

हमने यह कभी सोचा न था दूरियां ऐसी भी होंगी 
साथ तो  होगा वो  मेरे ............
पर वो  मेरा न था .......
अक्स तो मौजूद है पर अक्स तन्हाई का है
आईना तो है आज भी उसकी आँखें
पर उसमे चेहरा मेरा  न था .....
आज उसने अपने दर्द से भी जुदा कर दिया
उसकी आँख की नमी में परछाई मेरी न थी 
आज में रोई ..पर साथ मेरे वो रोया न था 
यह सब वीरानियाँ उसके जुदा होने से है
आँख धुन्द्लाई हुई है मेरी
कायनात  धुन्द्लाई  नहीं है ......
भूल जाने के सिवा अब कोई चारा नहीं
क्यूंकि यादों की रौशनी और
तन्हाई के आंसू से भी
उसे वापिस मेरे पास आना न था .....

Pure n Simple Happiness....

HAPPINESS is like a butterfly..the more u chase it..the more it will elude it..but if u turn ur attention to other things it will come n sit softly on ur shoulders….
Because we r mostly slugging through our lives ,doom mongering and feeling miserable abt ppl n things tht bother us…basically we struggle to look for happiness contrary to wht saints say tht happiness is within us only….
But as far I can think is tht we are simple ppl n to get happy we need to look around to find simple n pure happiness
Khusian ki talash me door talak dekhti hamari nazar aksar pass se guzarti choti choti khusian ko dekhe se chook jati hai…..
Simple things are our feel gud triggers…I feel tht its not a big deal to feeling or giving happiness..its actually a choice…..happiness---.it’s an attitude…..
-----to feel happy depend on urself n urself only….y shd it b someone else’s duty to make u happy-b it spouse or lover or kids or parents??...attented a wedding yesterday whr parents as usual were saying to daughter ..beta pati ko khush rakhna..but why thy shdnt b saying beta khush rehna…cz if tht happens pati toh apne aap khush rehega..uske ghar ka atmosphere khusnuma toh who apne aap khush…lol..
-----shed the preconceived notion of wht is supposed to make u happy cz in real life it doesn’t happen tht every guy gifts u flowers n talk romantically mushy things all the time… every guy is not like tht.. …but tht doesn’t mean tht thy dnt care or thy luv u any less…. ur guy may b the one who always keeps a check as to if ur car is wrking properly ..n if any problem arises it gets repaired at priority…..take care tht ur gas tank is nvr out of fuel….if ur always carrying sufficient amount of money in ur wallet…..he helps u out at home so tht u dnt tire urself…..he takes care of the kids whn ur indulging in ur hobbies like writing or painting …waits for u with a smile whn u get home everyday…whn he tolerate ur little qiurks with a smile...things like tht..these things make u feel more blessed n precious…I can vouch for it ....lol
-----b practical n do not indulge in self pity..GOD didn’t send u in ths world with a signed bond tht every day of ur life will b trouble free or u will always b happy ..jst happy ..nopes it isn’t bad to b sad sometimes even…n the mess in ur life is surely ur own..so quit the drama of asking .”y me god?”everytime u face a problem…I dnt find it rgt .as to whn ppl face a problem the next moment thy start running to temples without even trying the things on thr own…god doesn’t deserve ur whinning…he hasn’t done bad to deserve ur crying…go to him for strength n sharing but not for blaming him…change ths notion…
----the best n sureshot way of feeling happy is to selflessely do something for someone withgout even thm asking for it n without ever expecting a thank you…in return…
----to b happy …feel happy….smile n think happy…the more u do ths..the more u will b happy…
THINK HAPPY …GIFT HAPPINESS

My 7 rules of relationship...

my 7 rules
1 dnt get hurt easily
2-if someone hurts u forgive instantly but nvr forgive urself for trusting n dnt forget the lesson...laugh out loud n dnt let surprises surprise u anymore
3-get angry momentarily..so forget things n unnecassry data n dnt clutter ur mind...with negative thoughts
4-whn ur hurt u get cynical n u react.. n if u both can stand tht ,nothing can make u go away frm each other..
5-dnt get hurt n dnt remember n dnt get angry beyond the passion of tht particular moment
6-give more credit to intentions n sincerity thn the words
7-believe in building ...not breaking...
when ur right simply shut up .smile n give back a hug n whn ur wrong simply admit it..smile n give back a hug...
HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS...

Energy layers n stress...

Very often whn ppl go through a stressful situations ,they develop health problems…thts cz mind affects the body in many ways…
As per Indian holism..the body has 5 energy layers…
1-the food energy layer
2-the breath layer
3-the mind layer
4-the higher wisdom layer
5-the bliss layer

Whn stress affects the body..its the negative thinking tht blocks the mind layer..negative thinking cuts u off from the power of spiritual self..a kind of divine power…..whn a block occurs..u suffer frm a total lack of energy..jst like power going off..
Negative thinking is not thinking bad abt someone…it is thinking unpleasant thoughts abt urself and the situations tht ur in..like Blaming urself for everything…Ego based rigidity…Jumping to conculsions…
Negative thinking is realistic thinking to our mind so we protect ourselves by thinking the worst…but actually negative thinking makes us powerless n joyless..
Safety lies in our wisdom ,not in our minds ..to think frm the wisdom layer..u hav to transcend the mind layer…

black clouds in the sky....

whn u see blue sky scattered with pure black clouds....
nurturing glamour n substance...
whn u see light shining through darkness
through the halo of light.....coming through..
look up at the sky.................
n u will see me beside u under the same sky.

luv versus drug....

Listening to a girl's story of heartache...a thought occured in my mind tht if----
love is like a drug........
loss of love is akin to withdrawal symptoms of a drug.........

when ppl feel loved by anyone , it gives them a high,a hormonal kick which is similar to a drug..u get a feel gud factor...a postive energy tht instills happiness n peace n enthusiasam....just like a drug...

so whn thy lose luv thr are withdrawal symptoms..its very substantial n very real..a person cant sleep..thy jst lie thr wondering wht happened n hw it happened n wht cud hav been......
its romantic rejection n wrenching story of heartache...coupled with obsessive thinking and craving for emotional union..crying n wanting to b taken back.calling unneccasirly in a false hope...

so luv is like an addiction..with loss of luv thr is depression which triggers hormones...

but with time u get over it..time heals..n ppl move on ..with time n energy..n with time ppl get more n more calmer..it doesnt stop hurting it doesnt stop paining cz luv is in mind..
i believe tht whn ppl come into ur life thy spread thr magic upon you n all over the place ..but whn thy leave ..a part of you too dies..forever nvr to b revived again... it goes away..nvr to come back..breaking up with loved one is like ripping apart life.....

LDR--n enduring the GAP...

LDR-long distance relationship….
why distance in a relationship is ultimately ill-fated. But, is it really difficult to cope and thrive under pressure has forced me to think…….
Along with an LDR comes a variety of negative feelings; frustration, possessiveness, even trust issues….
In difficult times its a bleak picture about long distance, for many people a long distance relationship is the kiss of death. At this stage you crave for each other. You want to be physically close. …
Communication levels have increased many fold these days.:but…these forms of communication often don’t pay off with a truly fulfilling interaction. Whereas it was once easy to chat in person, now those normal, daily interactions are severely curtailed. It requires real effort to keep in touch and feel connected….
Maintaining a long distance relationship can prove to b quite the challenge. and luv isn’t always enough…..it requires effort ,patience and commitment..There’s no point of being in it if everything about your relationship bothers you…..
So enduring a LDR requires---
1-commitment
2-honesty
3-communication
4-trust
5-optimism
Here are things you should focus on.
------ Be strong. Remind yourself of the big picture and be ready to do what it takes to make it work…thr no point plunging into LDR if ur not ready to give 100%..lay down some ground rules n share your expectations.
-----Make sure your partner is clued in to wht is going on in ur life.keep him/her updated abt any changes in lifestyle,work schedules or networking ….anything left unmentioned can backfire in bleak n difficult times….
------ Keep communication channels open make sure ur accessible over the cell or net throughtout the day….talk to ur partner as often as u can….. This will reduce misunderstandings and reassure your partner of your sincerity... Too less communication can end up in, well, frustration….so communicate often as much as u can…dnt keep gaps in communication…dedicate time to ur partner.take time out of your hectic schedule to b in touch..even a simple text message or email works wonders……Use technology. Skype, email, IM n call…. text, chat online, call every single day. It’s what keeps you going. Basically it’s a test of nerves when you are that far apart
-------make it a point to meet up every month.
-----Trust issues can kill any relationship,esp whn it’s a LDR..creating a web of distrust n doubt leads to mutual disrespect n animosity..rather thn resorting to petty arguments…talk out ur suspicions to ease ur mind n move forward….n if a issues on trust creeps in do everything needed to get rid of tht doubt rather thn escaping from sitations n not being answerable n getting rid of relationship n the partner….
--------Dnt let ur relationship becoming a liability…….It takes a lot of time and patience,’ one has to invest a lot of time and emotion to make up for time apart..its the bonding tht makes a relationship…n every relationship comes with a bonding n bondage tht binds the relationship…..
And to make sure negative issues don’t creep into your relationship and ruin it, you and your partner need to have a sensible head on your shoulders…. A relationship is not child’s play….. a couple needs to know where they are headed to make the distance tolerable.

So LDR ----can b endured ……
It can make you independent, strong and it can teach you the value of the much spoken about ‘space’ between couples. ‘It is not for the weak hearted, though. You will spend a lot of time away from your partner and that takes strength n trust n a bonding n a faith tht it will work….from both sides in equality….
Count ur blessings…u hav a partner who u luv.cherish n admire…..n ur cherished in return….

my faith is fading.....

my faith in you is fading......
the days are spent in bewilderment
of my longings...of your memories...
the nights i dnt dream abt u,
are the night's i stay up thinking of u
i got tired of waiting..wondering if u were coming around
my faith in you is fading....
u forced me to realize tht things pass,
n the best i can do is to let u really go...
coz u had already left our togetherness...
u forced me to know tht even the person
who wasnt ever supposed to let u down ,probably will....
n u will get ur heart broken more thn once n its harder everytime
n u loose the one u luv n the one u luv may want to go away frm u....
my faith in you is fading.......
u ain't holding my hand anymore in darkness or light...
u had broken the trust n the tradition..of our togetherness...
u forced me to realize the changed answers n priorities....
my faith in you is fading......
my luv n annoyance went un-understood in ur mind..
it was luv n anger both upon you n you only...
both went un-understood n unrealized...
my faith shatterted in you saying NO
n you wanting to go away...cz u didnt want to stay...
u left...but the scar will remain forever
my life ripped apart....n my faith faded...

Faith n Betrayal....

To feel betrayed u need to hav trusted someone to begin with......
betrayal---nice word..but it hits u with a sledge hammer if u hav no idea tht it is headed in ur direction at the speed of light...it collapses ur world..n u feel stupid indeed more thn feeling betrayed alone...u feel stupid..u feel stupid tht hw cud u hav given so many chances to the other one for insulting u....y were u being so navie...n ur being navie makes u feel more stupid...
its only whn u buy into a particular myth tht a sense of betrayal kicks in..
as we go through life..lots of things unfold as...
----even the person who wasnt ever supposed to let u down,,probably will
----u will hav ur heart broken probably more thn once n its harder everytime
----u loose smeone u luv .....coz ur trust is betrayed...
-----u fight with ur best frnd coz priorities change
faith shatter n betrayal happen coz of changed answers n priorites n whn u start feeling relationship is a liability..u feel bonded trapped n thn u betray ...u shatter someone luv n trust...n it breaks a life...
nothing is permanent...noone is immortal
but the moral of story is the higher u build..the harder it falls...the more the trust..the greater the sense of betrayal...
nvr break a life..if u can stop it.....

vandy's mantra 5

-----Beware of anything tht seems too good...

----if smeone throws a stone at u-smile n throw back a flower but mak sure the flowerpot is attached to it....

----Age is an issue of mind over matter.if u dnt mind it doesnt matter....jst chill n njoy whtever day ur living...simply forget ur past n nvr wry abt ur future....

-----Anger doesnt turn men/women into beast/bitch,it makes thm goddammned more desirable thn ever....

----y b jst difficult whn u can b impossible.....with a little magic n little madness...in u.... n the magic will begun zara zara sa .......

---i'm a grl with attitude,pride n substance....in a different league...in a parallel world...living through my soul..n mind...waltzing down the memory lane serenly singing the songs in tune....--lyf luv n longings n lunch breaks

-To keep relationship brimming with luv,whnever ur wrong smile back give a hug instantly n whnever ur right simply shut up....n smile back n give a hug...n nvr let him/her go...jst let go of the argument...n let luv stay in between ...

--whn u forgive ppl its bcz u still want thm in ur life...............so u dnt forgive thm for ur gudness...u forgive thm for ur selfishness..for ur own happiness..n it makes the forgiveness an better option....

--trouble is part of life n if u dnt share it,u dnt give the person who loves u enough chance to love u enough...

---better thn trying to make someone else happy ..stay happy urself ..the ppl around u will b automatically b happy...kisi ko khush rakhe ke koshish ki bajaye khud khush raho... ass pass sab accha n khusnuma hi hoga...

vandy's mantra 4

----Dnt build n get attached in relationships n frndships.thy come into ur lyf with a return ticket.it only hurts sooner or later.....

-----Whn smeone hurts u,forgive instantly but nvr forgive urself for trusting n nvr forget the lesson.laugh out loud n dnt let surprises surprise u anymore.....

----B gregarious but stay aloof... -Life is all abt-either ppl need u or thy need u to need thm.nothing else,so its better to b alone thn lonely..


---Most desirable trait in woman -confidence
in man - strenght of mind
its abt the confidence with which a woman carries herself...the way she walks n the way she talks ..its not abt being beautiful n abt best assests...its her way tht makes her desireable frm inside...n its the strenght of mind n humour in his smile n mind tht makes a man tempting n unresistable...

----Its better to err on the side of daring thn on the side of caution..even u get wrong result at least u know u had the guts n the result may b anything ...yet u dared n had ur heart's desire....n u didnt escaped or ur mind is not shallow for excuses...

----Zindagi ko is andaz me jiyo ki aap ko dekh kar log kahe ki zindagi kitni khoobsurat hai....

----Seven wonders of the world-
to see,hear,smell,talk,smile,walk n feel love

---Khusian ki talash mein door talak dehkti hamari nazar aksar pass se guzarti choti choti khusian ko dekne se chook jati hai...khusian hamare pass hi hai har samay ....happiness is an attitude not an circumstance...thr may b lot of problms in ur heart n mind but ur lips dnt know it...let thm learn jst to smile....

-----Woh khusi b kya jo apne ki ankhen me ansoo bhar de...

----Words dnt hav much depth.silence is more profound....

vandy's mantra 3

-----life is nothing but your state of mind, kami kisi cheez ki nahi zindagi mein ..na khusi ki na gam ki..its ur perception tht decides wht ur n hw u lead ur life n its ur attitude tht decides ur happiness...coz happiness is not a circumstance,its an attitude...jiyp bindass ...with lots of smile on ur lips to gift around everyday.....

-----a smile..so simple yet beautiful..it suits everyone...gift a smile everyday....dnt jst smile at ur kid whn u wave him gudbye...not jst ur partner n parents whn u venture out of home..smile at ur subordinates,boss 4 thr work .......smile at the poor boy asking for alums at traffic lights ..smile at the old woman trying to sell u flowers ..smile at little grl/boy selling u sunshades at traffic lights

--the opposite of luv is not hate as thy all say-----i think the opposite of luv is INDIFFERENCE.sometimes the passions may leap frm luv to hate n backwards too but whn u feel indifferent to the presence of ur luved one it means u hav moved on frm tht time span......strange but true........

--being a girl n being brainy-for many it is inexplicable and intimidating.for some its quaint if utterly unnecessary.for some its an assest albeit complicated

--i believe u is the most beautiful thing n compliment tht u can give to someone it says a lot it says i believe u coz i trust u its beautiful..


----y miss out on lyf by sticking to the same lane unless ur driving?? go crazy with lyf jiyo bindass..live every moment..nvr hold grudges...gift smiles...care a lot...play with kids...share happiness...wipe tears....n listen to stars n trees n leaves...take time to smell the flowers...watch the sky...wish for rainbows...look up at the sky n njoy the flight of birds....giggle a lot....b transparent...n live ur soul...

----reality is much more fun n funky thn any fantasy

--the heart has reasons of which reason has no knowledge no logic.......

--nvr say ILU if u dnt really care.nvr talk abt feelings if thy r not really thr.nvr touch a life if u mean to break a heart.nvr say ur going to do smething if u dnt plan to start.nvr look in the eyes whn all u do is lie.nvr say hi if u really mean gudbye.jiyo bindass n smile sometimes.....for ur own self......

----if things r bad say thnx to GOD for thy cud b worse and if thy r already at worst u can rest assured tht thy can only get better frm here.so y lose ur sleep over things??n y go crazy

vandy's mantra 2

----i dnt mind living in a man's world as long as i
can b a woman in it.....

-----a postive vibration tht u feel reaching ur soul whn u come across
someone whose presence unstich your heart--thts crush n we shd b proud of these crushes hahahaha but nvr crush anyone's heart

-----its often jst enough to b with someone..u dnt need to touch or even talk..a feeling passes between the two of u..ur not alone.....

------life is abt-unplanned walk in the park which u found relaxing n self-discovering...the unexpected visit frm smeone which gives u a new energy...the unpremeditated journey which recharges u...the unsought conversation which gives u a new insight...a loving hug whn u realize u need it most..

-----b sincere but nvr serious in life life is being playful n light....

-----a coincidence is a miracle whr god chose to b anonymous...we may call it destiny too......destiny plays a role in these miracles n thn lets us to choose or chioce for ourselves

-----agar koi aapse darta hai ..dnt rejoice n feel happy n strong abt it...becoz sammne wala aapki taquat se nahi apni kamjori se darta hai....aap taquatwar nahi woh kamjor hai.....

--Rishtey banana aasan hai nibana mushkil,rishtoh me duri lana aasan hai mitana mushkil...

-----lots of ppl want to travel with u in a luxary car but wht one want is smeone who will take the bus with u whn the luxary car breaks down

------some things are limitless-nakhre,narazgi n natunki n the tolerance power for these shd b unlimited......

vandy's mantra's 1

----losing some ppl , u find urself unable to fill the vaccum created,u cant get over the loss all ur life....n losing some ppl , u feel its independence day ..to free frm the spell of tht particular relationship... u feel so happy tht u wonder y didnt u lose thm bfr???

‎-----2 simple rules of life----
1...dnt try to impress anyone..
2...dnt get impressed easily by anyone

-----it isnt bad to b sad ...its as gud as being happy...its the equilibrium of mind n heart tht counts n tht matters

------if u believe long enough n deeply enough..all gud things will b thr...keep ur emotional balance n look at bright siden jst b true to urself n everything will fall into place....a perfect place meant for it.....

-----be happy--it's way of being wise..whn sad or depressed-spend a day with nature.listen her carefully.try reaching back.recall happy past.re-examine your motives.be reasonable.realize your capabilities.write your worries on a paper of air n u will feel strong

------The strongest and weakest thing in the world are one and the same....... Feelings. They give you and others incredible power. Power that can build, destroy, inspire, change and rearrange the world as seen by a person.

------U fall in luv with ur mind...not with ur heart..dil..umm its jst 320
gm..mind is much more power packed to make u feel attracted n tempted n fall head over heels in luv....n its more permanent luv..heart jst follows whr mind takes u..

-------live life without any philosophy to live by....the best way to live life in a glorious way is to lived without any philosophy--simple innocent spontaneous gutsy n happily

------admiration n appreciation shd b positive n vocal..wht the fun in
being silent admirers whn the subject u admire doesnt hav an inkling of
ur feeling,it means nothing to u n the subject..the real n true thing
is to b vocal abt ur admiration in a positive n daring way n b proud of
it n let the subject take pride n complim...ent to ur admiration but respect n regard feelings ..b an admirer not a stalker

-----GOD always gve us more thn wht we deserve.HE knws best for us.trust HIM.dnt try to judge HIM.let HIM handle.just flow with the tide.n njoy life
YOUR ONLY OBLIGATION IN LIFE TIME IS TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. BEING TRUE TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE MATTERS LATER.
cheers

I'M addicted.....

i am addicted to luv n pampering frm family
i am addicted to euphoria frm my work
i am addicted to unpredictability n beauty of life
i am addicted to smiles n tears that swril of emotions
bring along with passions n duty.....
...i am addicted to living life as a whole.....
n i luv being addicted....

taking a break......

taking a break......
taking a break breaks boredom of busybee
taking a break in relationship breaks it forever
taking a break in weekends breaks discipline
taking a break in thinking breaks the jinxed ideas
...taking a break...either breaks everything.....or breaks monotony...
never take a break..
n nvr break..a heart,,,a relationship..a promise made..a vow taken..
take a break....
break silence...break tears...break the distance...in miles n hearts..
never break trust ...or it jst breaks everything...

she stopped herself......

she cant stop expecting.....
she cant stop being impatient...
she cant stop her trust fading...
she decided to stop being with him...
but ...........
she cant even stop waiting for him...
she cant even stop missing him....
she cant even stop loving him...
she cant even stop being with him....
but............
then...........
she stopped being herself......

walking in the park...

walking alone in the park..
she let her tears roll over
into the sweat of the run..
she let her dreams shatter
into the rustle of dry leaves..
she let her madness dissolve
into the concrete of the path..
she let her nostalgia of images
go wild into bloom of flowers..
she let her faith go liquid
into the heat of midday sun..
she let herself finish..
at the end of the track.....

I Wonder...........

i wonder...
if i wud b able to hold onto my faith...
i wonder ...
if the smiles wud come round backwards...
i wonder...
if i wud ever b able to let anyone in...
i wonder...
if i wud b able to heal the soul....
i wonder...

Not so Freindly Friends-------

few signs-----
----when try to match their woes with yours .whn ur telling abt ur problms
instead of listening calmly thy add the list of thr problms
-----whn thy put u through a severe guilt trip for forgetting thr bday or anniversary
-----whn thy borrow n thn get amenesic totally forgotten books money CD's etc
------whn two of ur friends cant stand each other
------calling one friend ur best friend in front of ur 3-4 close ones n the treatment
others give u
-----whn thy tell u mean things in name of honesty like hw bad u look with tht scar
or pimple.thy forget tht u too can look in the mirror n judge urself
------whn thy criticize u for anything u do
------whn thy dnt understand ur mind n ur life philosophy but claim to b ur best frnd

beside you........

whn u see blue sky scattered with pure white clouds....
whn u see light shining through darkness.....
whn u walk on dew dropped grass in the park....
whn u smile at the breeze coming through the flowers...
whn u walk in the drizzle ,wet leaves endrosing your face...
whn u listen rustling of dry leaves under your feet...
whn u sit alone on a bench in the park.....
n look up at the sky.....think of me.....
n u will see me beside u under the same sky........
throught the halo of light.....coming through....

Blissful Ecstasy.........

A blissful moment
a state of ecstasy prancing
abt flowers of joy....
pearls all frm whr thy droppeth
the mist swooning around me
in embracing milky way...
the words echoeing in my mind
deep woods thickening
with trees n bushes...
with every step
there comes a breeze of
intense strenght--
an exotic fragrance--
followed by clouds of love..

a stone princess ---a short story..

He was walking through the wonderland on his way to his pursuit of searching for his treasure..he came upon a place where he saw a beautiful princess etched in stone..it didn't seem fair to him to see this princess etched in a stone coz he gave his heart to her at the first moment he saw her..he touched her hand..n loo her heart came alive n it spoke to him.but her heart said sadly to him to go away .her heart told him that she was cursed by a witch to b a stone..n she is destined to b alone..
but he cud not go..he cud not leave her..
he wanted her..n he wanted to see her happy..
for herself n for him....
he told her.."darkness or light , i will always hold your hand tight.."
so he closed his eyes n hugged her n kissed her stoned eyes n when he opened his eyes..he found a beautiful princess in front of him...he fell more in love with her..wanting her more near him...closer to him..in his heart ..in his life...
They were both so engrossed in each other...
more n more in love with each passing moment..
they forgot everything around..
they just got dissolved into each other...
suddenly he remembered his treasure..he looked at her...asking her will she come along n she answered with love in her eyes that she will come along with him wherever he takes her n she will always b beside him forever ever....she wanted to forget her curse for him..for his happiness..for the love of his passion...
So they started walking along the way together, hand in hand with a promise in their voice n hearts that thy will b together no matter what may happen in the pursuit...
They came on the bank of a river ..they have to cross it to go further..they looked into each other eyes n joined hands to fly above the river...
Suddenly when thy were midair ,hand in hand ,a large wild bird came shrieking n screaming.... she got terrified n closed her eyes..suddenly she found herself alone..she was thrown back to the shore ..n looking around he saw him at the other shore of the river........they were separated ... they were standing opposite facing each other looking into each other eyes , unable to comprehend what to do....she wanted to cry coz she remembered her curse...but he cudn't hear her ..they were far away.....
Suddenly a mist starts swooning around..
engulfing everything under its wrap..
she called out his name several times....
she wanted to tell him her curse that if he left her.. she will turn into a stone again...she cud still see him...n hoped for him to weave a miracle ...to rescue her from her curse.....
Soon she was going to turn into stone.....
She looked at him with teary eyes...
she saw him trying to work out something
but he was not able to come back...
his magic powers somehow were blocked ....
they looked at each other helplessly....
the mist was getting thicker n thicker with each moment....
She kept waiting n waiting in a hope with a prayer in her heart ...
Suddenly she found her feet turn into stone n plant firmly into the earth...now she knew she won't be able to go further without being scarred coz of her curse...still she hoped...still she kept waiting ...
She kept wondering if he were ever coming around...
at moments her faith started fading...
but she told herself that he will heal her..
.and won't let any scars remain...
she closed her eyes..
n stretched out her hand in his hope to come back..
She remembered her curse....
n knew that he will have to do something faster..
come back faster otherwise she will be stoned forever...
But with her closed eyes she cudn't see
that she has turned to stone except her eyes ,heart n hands....
She kept waiting..calling out his name through the closed eyes.....
But he didn't come back n she again turned into a stone .....with her curse...

I am happy n I am sad too............

i am happy...... and i am sad too........
i crave being alone but im scared being lonely
im too busy n i hav all the time to think abt u...
i wanna go far away n i wanna b closer to u....
i wanna b real n i wanna live in dreams with u...
i wanna find happy smiles in the battle of freezing tears....
i am happy......and i am sad too.................

Rainbow 2.......

I roared into the thunder..
I cried into the rain...
The strom has passed....
the rain is past......
but i cant see my rainbow..
my sky didn't kneel down
n embrace me in his love....
n i still stand all alone..
standing barefoot....
waiting under the sky....
for his arms to embrace me
n kiss me rainbow.....
n let my soul reach his heart...

Going down the memory lane.....

As I walked down the memory lane
I glimpsed both happiness n pain
I met my innocence
amidst all the ugliness of selfish minds;
ppl faking around,telling lies for no reasons;
acute sensitivity towards ppl
the lingering craving for smeone;
for the truth;for the honesty;
I saw my dreams broken
-the longings unspoken
-my heart shattered
-the pieces scattered
the collected debris put aside
I saw my hurt deppen
n pain subside
the bitterness deeply etched
thn i heard smeone
through the light at the end of tunnel
tht was happiness n hope
"thts me."I said
"going down the lane..."

Riddle of luv

Sitting here,nothing but the memories of u surround me
memories of past,thoughts of future
although the days are fading
yet i still stand here beside the window
waiting n reminscing n getting nostalgic
a hope of light in my heart
for i wonder one day
whn in thoughts i will b deep
u'll come silently ,hold my hand
we will b travelling in the spiral direction
of circle where is in contained ---
the alpha n omega answer to
the riddle of luv....

Hushed voices.......

she kept thinking what to say...
...to stop him from leaving....
she whispered in a hushed voice..
"plz dnt go.."
but he left.....her.......
he went far far away...
with each passing moment
how cud she stop him more??.....
when he cudnt hear her heart.....
so she said nothing more n let him go..
n started retreating in opposite direction ..
to put as much space between them..

passion 's splendour......

I touched u
I felt u
I blushed a litle
I laughed too....
Air like wine blossom in splendour
penetrated deeply in my heart tender
I lived a dream
I weaved a dream
in tht hour of gentleness
whn the passion plays with
stars n kisses

Leaves on my terrace........

Sitting alone on the terrace
i gaze at the leaves.....
thy give inspiration n energy..
no matter whatever the season
thy r always blooming n infusing energy
flowing with the wind beautifully
thy tell that whatever the season or situation
thy cant b deterred...
everything will pass over.....
n things will b as beautiful always as ever...

PAWAN---my angel.......

he's alchemist-turm things into gold with his eyes
his quiet eyes twinkle whn he ventures a shy grin
the gleam of joy in his eyes with silent undercurrents
of luv in thm make mine sparkle too.....
he touches every nuances of life with his gaze
whn he's around,thr touch of magic in air
he looks at the sun n the sunbeams touches the top of tree
he looks at the sky at night n the stars make beautiful music
he has deep intoxicating soothing aura
tht casts an exotic oriental spell
his violet words follow tinting her dreams
with silver of his laughter
his love is like clear cool air of autumn
warmed in sun with bright blue skies
capturing the charm from him
his calm n stillness add upto magical mystique
with him around her......
soft rain is fragnant benediction
sparkling cold a miracle
..stars coming out....a special dazzling smile....
n her heart turns over.........

Beauty in weeds......

dancing in summer breeze
beauty in weed grown strong
reveling in the bud turning to bloom
streching out for the sun
whn the rain is past
clourful n imaginative
in unexpected ways
hold close to the heart
sometimes its better to
b jst urself

pizza carvings.........a short story...

she is having pizza carvings every other day....she smiled n cried at the thought...at the nostalgia....at the memory...at the past..n at the recent happenings...n at the future loneliness.....
Her life is undergoing a major series of changes..n life is moving at a much more faster speed thn her thoughts...in a way this episode is a hallmark of a typical experience-the dark night of soul,need for help to come out of sad despair n the responding n soothing voice n support n the sense of transformation...
Either she may kill the silence n heal her soul or get killed in the woods n turn into a fairy with a magic wand....wishing n weavening everyone around her miracles ....but unfazed by her surroundings....staying lost in her own world...in her wonderland.....
Her loss has left her feeling sad n brittle...she was alone..she was all alone...she was completely alone...she doesnt want to dissolve her sadness into tears n outbrusts.....of anger,guilt,remorse,desperation....she knows n feels n understands her situation n wht it feels to want something..wht desire means......wht it means not to quit...n stay n wait...
sometimes she felt she understands everything but then she wud get distracted by fears n unanswered questions....often she was overcome with a desire to forget everything n sometimes she had the opposite instinct-to put as many oceans as possible inbetween.to close every door behind her..........
all this experience was bringing a nascent interior shift...
This is the moment to look n find the kind of healing n peace tht may only come from within...time to gain back her strength n confidence...in the end..to b able to fall in luv with herself.....
To stop a carving for something you hav to start a carving for something else..to stop carving for pizza u hav to start eating something else...like to stop missing someone you have to start missing something else ..immerse yourself into something else...to divert your mind..anything that makes u smile just a little......anything n everything....
but as of now she wanted to solve the mystery..she doesnt want to b entwined in some more drama coz her spirit was depleted n she felt all alone...she wanted to give her space to discover what she look like....
what are her choices?...
when she gets lonely..she thinks..hey b lonely ..sit with it..welcome the experience..
she is learning her way through n around loneliness with pizza carvings n enjoying the pleasure of eating it...with nostalgia...with memories...n giving her the strength n power to heal herself...to b able to fall in luv again... with herself...n her wonderland............
n thn she finds a tear at the corner of her eye reminiscing the pharase "femme pizza fete"of happier times.....n she again get a carving for pizza......

my beautiful bride......4 my darling pooja...

whn happiness fills ur heart
as ur little gudiya blossoms into a bride
it didnt happen overnight
whn gurguling laughter is a demure smile
n those impish outbrusts hav disappeared
instead thr graveful serene charm
gleam of joy in her eyes make urs sparkle
see tht shy beautiful bride
turn into ur little gudiya again
two thoughts were so mixed up
ur happy for her joy
ur sad for ur joy
but both ways ur winner...

Wht every woman shoud have in her control.....

*a feeling of control over destiny.....
*enough money within her control to b able to move out n rent a place of her own even if she nvr wants to or needs to...
*a youth she's content to leave behind......
*smething perfect to wear if her dreamguy want to see her in an hour...
*a gud piece of furniture ,not previously owned by her family...
*a driving sense n power so tht she wnt ever b stranded in any emergency...
*eight matching plated n an recipe for a meal tht will make her guests feel honoured...
*a set of screwdrivers n drill n hw to use thm...
*a past gud enough tht she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
*one old luv she can imagine going back to and one who remind her how far she has come....
*to knw wht she will stand for n wht she wnt ever do....
*one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry....

Finding way through the mystery........

The only thing more unthinkable thn leaving was staying.....
the only thing more impossible thn staying was leaving.....
she kept thinking wht to say...
...to stop him from leaving.......
...to stop life turning into smashing bits....
she knows what it means to want something.....
..........what desire,not to quit means.......
she was alone.....she was all alone......
she was completely alone.......
she may kill the silence......n heal her soul.....
or she may get killed in the woods ......
n turn into a fairy with a magic wand...
she is a princess and an alice...
finding her soul n her way...
through the mystery....

She LOST n He LOST.......

wht went wrong.

he was the most imp guy in her life untill one day...
untill one day suddenly he needed more personal space.
untill one day he started to retreat.....
untill one day he suddenly started emotional back stepping..............
his withdrawal only made her more needy n her neediness only advanced his withdrawal....
untill soon he was retreating with greater spped unless he is imposed with sme reason to stay back............
his attention started wavering..........
all the consequences were easily forseeable but she cudnt see.....
...still in hope tht he wud realize tht its not tht she cudnt leave him n go but its tht she doesnt want to leave him n go away frm him.........
he treated her as like she is someone he nvr met,much less smeone he luved with high passion.........
he became inaccesible............
in the end she lost hope.
she lost.........

I Luv my Dark Circles..........

Surfing through newspaper ,saw an AD by Vaseline to promote a skin lighening product for men (ah very rarely otherwise the onus for getting fairer remains on the women all the time)
The campaign has launched a application on FB that allows men to upload their picture and “transform” it to a “new and improved fairer” them, just like the product will do. Attempt to look fair and promote ‘white’ as beautiful ……
The degree of fairness, from “very fair” to “fair” to “wheatish” seems to be the most important…. complexion takes precedence over educational qualification and occupation…
The real issue is not the application or ad but the mind-set…
Coming back to my gender I thought abt the vast market of fairness crèmes-500$million a year in India alone…whooping amount tht we spend on being fair….n its rather icky reminder of the pigment-o-crasy tht exist in our country or may b in many cultures….
N at the basic system not realizing tht our basic colour being Indians is wheatish generally n one tht is beautiful in our culture n weather n we are not blondes n we not living in USA etc….
This is ridiculous….
This reminds me of another personal incident whn I went to buy a face wash n while I was deciding which one to buy(I hav nvr stuck to any particular brand..will buy n use anything..) the new eager salesgirl pestered me to buy a undereye dark circle crème explaining its miraculous benefits in 14 days n my eyes(to b specific my undereyes or dark circles) in intense need of it…I kept listening till the time I choose n paid for my facewash.then I looked at her n told her calmly n sweety –“dear im in luv with my dark circles ..i dnt want a cure for them”all of a sudden everyone looked at me stunned n with bewilderment..but I left thm tht way n came off …but tht set me thinking………..
Are only fair people lovely?
Y our obsession with white skin?
Y do we use fairness products?
Y not we in luv with our dark circles n pimples?
Y not we in luv with wht we are?the way we are?
May b its easy for me to say ths coz I hav been gifted with beautiful complexion tht glows frm within n which had been the envy of my siblings since childhood…my cheeks were pinched hurtedly like googly wooghly ad till the time I started revolting…
But tht the reason more easy for me to say ths…I nvr had any hang-up’s abt my complexion yes I do luv it but simply coz I own it not coz ppl are amazed at it….i wanna take girls by shoulders n tell them tht luv urself…
Luv ur complexion..luv your dark circles..luv your pimples n scars….
There is more to u thn your beauty n skin-its your mind..your heart..your soul…enhance its beauty..dnt fall prey to stupid products thy cant change your genes …yes do care abt yourself in terms of hygiene…beilieve in your basic beauty..

For me-pimples dark circles complexion are part of me..my idenitity..my being its wht im ..n the way im..they define me n so they beautiful coz I own them ..thy are truly mine.i want to instill n enhance endurance ,gentleness ,compassion, tenderness, luv n care today n always in me to feel n remain beautiful ever……
Confidence is the most sexiest thing a girl can have…..believe in u n the world believes in you……….
Thts the reason I luv my dark circles

walking away............

he saw her n fell in love immediately
they were soulmates-simply described..
with him...she found herself....
he started walking along with her..
she cudn't remember..
he wudn't forget...
untill one day...
they came upon a crossroad...
where...n there....
he didn't want to remember..
she cudn't forget...
there wasnt enough time...
to forget n to remember....
n so he left her....lost.....

a short story--waiting on a bus stop

She was waiting for her bus at the bus stop.she was wearing a ankle long dark grayish toned skirt n a white top n she thought she looked gud as she was going to her fresher’s party at her new college….
She was getting late it was peak afternoon hours with little traffic on road .she kept looking down the road but thr was no sign of the bus…n she was afraid she might miss her welcome party of her new college which she didn’t want to miss .it was her new day a new start into the college…
Suddenly a guy pulls up on his bike n stops at the bus stop..whn he removed his head gear ..she saw a very gorgeous tall n handsome young guy..he had those giant brown liquid centre eyes that unstiched her heart…she gave him her heart right away…..she looked at him she knew him already…
But it seemed she hadn’t ever seen him , noticed him ever bfr…..
He stopped n asked wht is she doing thr at the bus stop..she told him tht she is waiting for the bus..he offered to wait with her..they kept chatting along with waiting for the bus…
Looking at him for few moments she forget wht she was doing at the bus stop n she wished tht the bus nvr comes she wanted to jst keep looking at ths guy …she hadn’t seen him bfr...…she kept wishing for the bus not to come..
But there were many reasons y tht wud b a terrible idea…???“Excellent question” especially when she kept looking secretly n shyly at the handsome guy standing in front of her…but coz he was the handsome terrific prince ….they lived in different worlds….
So(out of her mind n thoughts) thy kept chatting…….
Then he offers to drop her at the college..…she knew she shdn’t say yes ….but she cudnt say no to him..she cud hav traded anything to b with ths guy for some more time…..if she refused his offer he wud hav left n gone his way leaving her to wait again....
n its not everyday n everytime a prince pulls up n she knew tht it may b first n last chance for her to b as close to him as tht..she was being selfish…but just purely as a matter of chance...
So she takes the offer……..But oops……….
Just then her bus comes n pulls up parallel to his bike whr she was standing...
For tht moment tht split second her heart n her mind get into a conflict…
Her heart tells her to ignore the bus as she was the only who knew her bus number noone wud know…n her minds tells her tht dnt lie..
but she doesn’t listen to her mind n steals tht moment…
n so she rides to college with him on the way he talked a bit but she wasn’t listening wht he was saying she answered in monosyllabus…so tht he may keep on talking she didn’t mind wht he was talking as long as he was talking..she was lost was absorbing every moment.. his closeness….
At last he drops her to college …he drops her n goes n nvr looked back..
Someone asked her “was he your boyfriend ? “n she answered , no he wasn’t but he was the dream guy n she met him first n last time…

Nostalgic Haven for 2 hours at CCD-35-PART 2

11 july CCD-35 11.15 AM to 1.15 PM

Cool choclate frappe breeze’s with hot capichinoo’s with a dash of strawberry blush

We missed u agam(dinesh shangari’s rockstar)

We missed you tanish(himanshu n meghna’s diamond)

We missed u akshmit n amiksha (ravi n gunjan’s jewels)

We missed u arsh(sunita’s little prince)

We missed u Krishna(vandana n pawan’s little darling)

We loved u saddil (sunita n sushil’s elder prince)

We loved u jeevesh(vandana n pawan’s elder supersonic hero)

We loved u both for your unconditional presence n your sweetness n your curioisity n your acceptance to our precious friend circle…

It all started whn rajan came to chandigarh n met me n himanshu n proposed ths plan of getting together n having a blast seeing each other after 20 years n adding on the pleasures of knowing everyone with families n kids.so the plan was set.sunita was supposed to come to India from scottland in june end(hahahah sunita see I remember now, pawan taught me the whole map of UK to let me know after tht day whn I cudnt recollect at the party whr u live,thts y pawan is so sweet..he fills the gaps for me with a smile..) so the plan was set for july whn she comes n everyone on fb affirmed to accommodate tht time span……

Sunita came n called n we met n she filled the gap of so my years in few hours thts wht sunita is-breaking the ice in min..she seemed as if was frozen in time she hadn’t changed in looks n nature over the years…jst had two more reflections of her in the shape of saddil n arsh…

Me n himanshu n sunita had few conversations of the event first we decide to hav a complete family get together with spouses n kids- complete family blast..then sunita suggests tht shd we try meeting as individuals to catch the years first n thn plan a family meet..her idea was thought provoking..wht if spouses didn’t gel?wht if ourselves were uncomfortable?himanshu was comfortable with both the options I tell pawan abt sunita’s thought but. it was left to me to decide…..

N I hadn’t decided anything..everything remained unplanned…I decided to go on impulse ….deciding on the way to everyone’s reactions n responses…

So on Saturday I call first of all dinesh(hadn’t ever yet called him bfr) a bit apprensively if he may recognize. But he recognized immediately n was all the way for the event-happy to accommodate in every way he had powerful vibrations of leadership n positive strength .i tell him abt the lunch plan on mon or tues but alas he was to go to Bhopal on Sunday the 11^th n he had to drive himself n he wud hav been back in mid aug..oh by the time sunita wud hav left….but he wanted to make it work out..he didn’t want the plan go kaput coz of him…I tell him tht I wud call him back if smething works out ..he talked so sweetly it didn’t feel tht I hadn’t talked to him for 20 years he has a vibrance abt him….

So ravi dewan is called up n lo! He has to leave for noida on Sunday at 4 pm n so he wanted to b back home by 2 pm or so for last minute packing n stuff n he will b back next week n thn he goes off to Mumbai for his new posting…but he too wanted it to wrk n ready to accommodate if smething can b wrked out I tell him tht I call him back if smething works out..

So I call himanshu n he suggests y not plan smething on Sunday…n let it b coffee plan instead of lunch…thnx himanshu he played as much role in planning….he decided the venue too which wud b comfortable for everyone n he offered to fulfill the sunita’s request to pick her from her home …..he had no problems with tht n sunita too can accommodate on sunday her hubby hasn’t yet arrived in India…aha but me…I hate going out without pawan on Sunday’s.i always try to keep my Sunday’s for him exculisvely….but smething has to b done I sincerely wanted it to happen …..

So I call up my darling hubby n tell him the plan tht we are planning on Sunday n will he come along?n he says he doesn’t hav any plans for Sunday with me abt going to any event yet so we may plan n tht  u ppl go ahead n meet n njoy….

So I call back everyone n plan for Sunday 11.30 am for coffee everyone called n confirmed….

I go home at 9 pm n my dear hubby asks after dinner so whts your plan for tmrw?

I tell him the plan n he responds tht he has a imp meeting with someone at 10am at sec 33 n he may get a bit late but he will come directly to CCD u go on time n I will join u thr…n I look at him spellbound......ths was unexpected  but thts wht it was thr for me……

..hahahahahah….

So I say him nothing n send text msg at 10 pm to ravi dewan n himanshu to bring thr wives along I had to  make sure tht thy come  meghna was in pkl but he msg tht she wud come..i had told gunjan in even tht it’s jst individuals meet n so I had to make sure tht she comes along..so tht she feels invited …I sincerely wanted them to come thnx beautiful n gorgeous meghna n gunjan for coming along..thnx dear …

I want to thank everyone for coming coz everyone accommodated for ths event in a special way…thnx my dear friends…..

So on Sunday everything goes as per plan n I call up everyone to b on time….dinesh calls back to ask shd he book a table for all of us bfrhand tht was so nice of him ….ravi said tht he n gunjan will b thr by 11.29 am..hahahahah…I tell himanshu to b thr 15 min bfrhand to see if thr is anything to b done with sitting arrangements etc n he says he n meghna will b thr….at 11 sunita calls n say tht she has to bring the kids somehw n can I bring jeevesh along for kids company n I say yes ..i had my heart’s desire fulfilled I had wanted to take him along since night but it wasn’t planned so I had dropped the idea but sunita waved a magic wand n fulfilled my wish thnx sunita hahahah thts a secret…but I cudnt inform everyone else to bring the kids everyone wud hav started frm home..so I go along…

In the car I tell nanu tht we are going for a party to meet my school friends n his volley of intelligent n curious questions started n continued all the way he was surprised tht I too went to school like he goes n I too hav best friends but he was not able to understand the gap of so many years he kept asking wht u all did whn u left school y u didn’t b in touch..i had few answers n I didn’t hav few answers……

So along with his questions we reach thr by 11.15 am he tells me tht lets check inside if thr is anybody we can go in otherwise we can chill in the car  so I open the CCD door n first of all catch the glimpse of a s man n a gud looking grl n a guy sitting nearby I look at them n trying to recognize if thr is anyone I know..hahahahah jst then two hands wave at me aha it was himanshu n meghna thy were thr…handsome n beautiful couple…meghna looked beautiful .with a freshness n charm..we meet say hi n were jst checking the things tht sunita enters with saddil.she looks dashing..we take seats n start talking..jst then ravi n gunjan comes..gunjan’s gorgeous carried herself with élan n lokked so much at ease as if with her own friends..n tht was so comfortable jst then dinesh comes n say hi im dinesh…he has no hang up’s hes so comfortable ..everyone starts coming .. after pawan comes we order our coffee n in the last arun comes n whn he started talking he had tons of things to tell he had a nvr ending memories of school he was so jovial n notorious ahh but he remembered the most jokes abt teachers n students n  so we add up n hav a blast reminiscing getting nostalgic laughing a lot totally oblivious of our surroundings…time did run up but we were all filled with laughs n memories n plans for future n missing the others n we had a blast

This is wht I gather of everyone n I wud like to share with …

DINESH-he’s calm ,collected ,brilliant,confident n notices little things n he lives in future.a strong vibration of leadership qualities.he’s cherrful treating life with fine calm.he doesn’t bother to bother anyone with nonessential data..ready to accomomodate to the maximum for anyone he calls his friend.he ios a friend’s guy. N always available for a party.

RAVI-he is still the same-shy n sincere n brilliant n he’s so modest.,down to earth-his feet firmly planted on earth….very soft spoken n ready to accommodate for his friends.to him caution is the word for beginning of wisdom .thr is serenity in his nature.

GUNJAN-she’s elegant, very femimine, gorgeous ,stylish ,hip- hop social ,carries herself with oodles of charm n confidence n wears beautiful accessories n she’s beautiful.

SUNITA-aha she’s graceful n  frozen in time-like kept in fridge all these years.jst two more reflections of her saddil n arsh..she still has the best smile n she’s dashing n smart n can break the ice with her beautiful smile n her sweetest hug

ARUN-he’s jovial n notorious.at few instances u cant cecide if u laugh or cry at his jokes he can make u roll on the floor with his antecodes abt school n his general observations n hey thnx for the party arun

HIMANSHU-he’s shy ,deeply emotional guy,a cool breeze,he fills the surrounding with his presence tht define peace loveliness n perfection n friendly behaviour n he talks practical..n to the facts.

MEGHNA-she defines freshness n charm,cool n friendly,down to earth,leans very much toward devotion n  near worship of family.she views “the ties tht bind” with respect...for her relationships are cozy n comforting n tht defines her genral attitude towards everyone she meets.she fills the atmosphere with her softness n sensitivity.

We may not ever b able to bring back our childhood  but ths party stirred nostalgia n made new memories ,reliving past ones n planning for mew ones….but friends keep u connected to your childhood with thr sweet charm

THNX EVERYONE FOR COMING TO THE PARTY.BLESS U ALL.

Nostalgic Haven for 2 hours at CCD-35-PART 1

School-the first institution when u emerge into the soceity out of parent's lap n our comfortable homes n start to get known as individuals.Friendships greet u when u enter school-school grade friendships.you share memorable time with school friends .we promise to b best friends for all life-kids promise..n then we end up school n enter the professional n carrer world n we get lost in building carrers n families.we build new friends n we get professional commimtments..you grow over the years in terms of family n carrers n life.life brings different course for everyone.everyone gets his share of blessings n tradgies.n u get absorbed into life's moving pace....
but somewhr in everyone's heart there is a special corner----a corner whr he/she preserves the school time n school friends--tht daring adventures ..tht first crush...marks competition.. groups of class ..tht jealousy tht luv tht care...teachers punishments n esp tht school bonding tht happens irrespective of ur parent's status.....irreseptive of caste colour n creed...thts pure bonding...
i too had a special place for my school friends n tht school bonding but somehw lost contact within the life's moving track.but every year on 13 jan(vijay) ,31 aug(himanshu) ,28 sep(poonam) ,17 oct(sunita) ,17 nov(rajan) i remembered my school friends as these were thr bday dates...(no offence to others coz i remembered jst these bday smehw but i remembered everyone as my short n lost memory permitted) i used to tell pawan(my boyfriend ,my best friend and my hubby) school things since the day i met him.n had a small dream somewhr in my heart to get a chance to reconnect to school friends n let pawan know them for real....
First of all friends.well,to say that this account of events is totally mine would b bit untrue.the wonderful ppl present in ths account of events made this product..but yes this is my take on it.this is my story n i get to tell it my way.anyone of u can add your versions n comments into it..so first i wud like to thank them all n in particular----
1.VIJAY-the studious shy guy of my class who was not present in ths event but who was missed sincerely .the way he is-sincere --the word tht best describes him.he was the one who found me on orkut without my display pic(how??tht remains a mystery to me till date..may b going through the profile info..) n so we started scrapping interacting talking n building the gap of 20+years.me n vijay were classmates plus neigbhours at home too,so it was easy.we joined friends lists at orkut n FB.n we talked about finding other classmates.
2.HIMANSHU-the handsome shy n sweet (cud hav been called cutie pie if he had been a girl hehehehe)shy guy of my class..i got to see his profile in friends suggestions on fb for many days bfr i sent him a msg.n alternately checked with vijay".is tht himanshu from my school class?".n he responded very friendly n happily to found old classmates..himanshu scanned all the pic of our school times that i digged from old cardboxes hidden in  my storeroom.thnx himanshu.n he's is the one who encouraged n supported to arrange ths event..otherwise i may hav given up coz tht saturday i was calling up everyone in midst of working with my patients at my office n from planning for proper lunch came to plan for brunch n thn to coffee...thn checking everyone availability, thn venue thn informing everyone , n thn conforming everyone presence n responses....from settling on bringing family then to individuals  n in the end spouses...ah lot of work n distraction among my office.most of patients tht day knew whr cud  thy find me on sunday if thy needed(im unavailable for patients on sunday except for emergencies.) so the encouragement n deciding the venue n its location was done by himanshu.thnx himanshu.
3.RAJAN- we missed u rajan at the party every moment sincerely coz he's the one who proposed all ths but being in stamford he wasnt present physically but he was present in everyone's heart .rajan-the classmate who had the maximum num of sis in his class n he really cared for us like sisters...he wasnt studious in school n stammered a lot esp whn he was scared whnever mrs.bajwa, our english teacher called him to check his homework... but was  caring n simple n daring.we had classroom at fourth floor of school building n he wud jst sit on the edge of terrace with legs hanging (the scene from 3 idiot)thts wht he was n wht he proved in life.he nvr looked seroius abt books in school but rose to height in his carrer after doing IIT from delhi...today he's confident poised n successful intellectual guy but still the same ..down to earth..n still live for his friends..he's a friends guy....... he can break ice in seconds n can make u laugh n cry both at the same time with memories n jokes....we are proud of u rajan.we missed u rajan at CCD(rajan is a coffee freak)so one day he came to chd (his mom stays in chd) called n came to my office expectdly or unexpectdly..can't say..coz till tht day me n himanshu although being in same city hadnt tried or thought of meeting up.Even i jst kept telling pawan updates whnever something new happened.so the three of us met n it was rajan who proposed the get together.so thnx rajan for filling the gap of 20+ years.thnx bro.we are proud of u rajan.
4.POONAM--the hari mirchi girl of the class..u cudnt hav taken panga with her anyday.she was straight forward vry tiny mature pratical n ready for a fight if u tried to tip on her toes even if a bit..she was the sweetest girl..no hang ups down to earth n mature....i met her 1-2 years back whn me n pawan had gone to deliver a diwali gift to someone n at thr entrance we saw a vry familiar looking tiny girl standing on the entrance at the neighbour's door seeing off someone waving gudbye...n suddenly pawan n she recognized(pawan has a vry sharp memory in terms of everything ppl or places) we met we hugged we felt happy but as we were in hurry n it was diwali day..n so we exchanged num n promised to b in touch.she didnt remember suinta's num at tht time but she was in touch with her.i called her back twice on her delhi num but somehw she wasnt available coincidently n so i gave up .saved her num but forgot abt it till the day himanshu n vijay persuaded me to call her n so i called her apprensively but she was still the same...luv u poonam...we reconnected immediately  n thn sunita came into picture...we missed u poonam at the party n we look forward to meeting samir(her hubby) n ur two little princess........
5.SUNITA-the smart trendy girl of the class ..best friends with poonam..me poonam n sunita use to triple ride on my vespa scooter in class 11th-12th whn i had my license made n pawan too met thm few times along with me n thy bonded well....whn i send him a msg on fb she was so happy n exicted n whn she responded she filled the gap of so many years in split second..thts wht sunita is-she makes u feel at ease n friends u never lost....bfr sunday get-toether i went to her home to meet her n she made the atmosphere as if we were never apart..she had always been here with me..she remembered a lot of things.her two little princes(saddil n arsh)were also sweet n surprised at seeing mom's school friend.....we relived our 20 years life of building families n kids...luv u sunita for everything..
6.RAVI  DEWAN-when i sent a msg to ravi on fb tht ths is vandana frm ur class 10th n he responded  back friendly n happily tht he left the school after class 8th n i thought oops i didnt know or didnt remember...but hw can anyone from our class cud hav forgotten ravi dewan---he was the sincere reserved shy intelligent n heaviest guy of class.he never talked to girls..i suppose.he came to our school in class 7th may b from talwara n he was pretty gud at maths specially.whn he came to class we were preety use to our class positions in exams--vishal jaiswal-1st ruchi-2nd for 3rd n 4th postion it was me or navneet or vijay n suddenly ravi comes n holds our positions...he comes as competition n in a way i was jealous but he was vry shy n simple so thr was no offence....but today he's not the heaviest guy haahahaha lot of guys match more or less to him hahahaha
7.DINESH-he was the handsome guy of our class. n the problem was tht tht he knew it so he had a attitude abt it or it was as we girls felt so...yup on sunday we realized we were wrong definately he was handsome but he wasn't egoist....who didnt care much for studies..average but was daring n confident n friend's guy n gave a kinda damn to world n nvr talked to girls..girls thought he was rude but the fact was tht he was reserved n kept to boys ....did whtever he felt was right n always stood up for his friends n he's still the same....thnx dinesh for ur time tht day...he had to drive to bhopal on sunday but he postponed tht by few hours for ths get together n called to ask tht shd he book n reserve the table for us ppl in advance?tht was so sweet n caring of him for all his friends..we care for u dinesh..thnx dinesh..
8.ARUN- he was known as himanshu's best friend .they were always seen together-arms in arms..they sat together they played together..few ppl thopught either they are brothers or cousions...the movie DOSTANA hadn't released at tht time otherwise we wud hav been misled by thr dosti..hahahahah.he was tall n notorious ..didnt know but he looked notorious n himanshu was vry shy so thy covered each other flaws n noone cud judge anything abt them...so arun who came at last in the party n who paid the bill for the party as per my info(if anyone else paid the bill..plz do the corrections)
9..MEGHNA-she is himanshu's wife--she is calm collected a cool breeze of freshness vry friendly down to earth...i  invited her at 10 pm n still she accmodated she was  in pkl but still she came..n we geled perfectly at ease thnx meghna.
10.GUNJAN-she is ravi's wife-she is stylish , hip hop, carried herself with panache wore beautiful acceessories n n looked charming.she too was invited at 10pm n she had to pack ravi's suitcare as he was to leave for noida at 4pm on sunday but still she accepted the invitation n came along we were happy to see u among us gunjan.thnx gunjan..
10.SADDIL-sunita's elder prince ..with his scootish accent n who is calm n intelligent n who loves sports n video games n reading books
11-JEEVESH-me is my super hero-the second love of my life..he is non fussy intelligent mini adult totally upto pawan in nature n gudwill n looks like my carbon copy with both of us with our spectacles on....luv u baby-yours bhabi ma(he calls me bhabi ma)
12-PAWAN-wht i say of him ..words are less to describe this man..he's finest of human beings whom god has bestowed upon me as a blessing..he is the best i cud hav ever asked in life-a perfect hubby,a perfect father,n a perfect son.a caring n loving brother to his siblings my best friend-.he keeps a busy schedule given his social circle n multiple responsibilites n carrer complusions but still he pulled out time for me n  came along without any fuss...he came late after finishing one of his meetings but he came n stayed n geled with the guys comfortably thnx pawan....
       so guys n girls nw as i hav made my disclaimers n introductions let me continue to tell u events of the party n i hope reading it u may relive the memory n vijay rajan n poonam can too relive the time spent vividly with all of us.....
PART 2 TO FOLLOW.........................